The Enduring One

TAURUS- The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride and interest in beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.

sounds about right, though i should prolly work on personal beauty and generosity a bit. those two always need work though, so... :P old ways and old words do suit me best. i respect working for what you get, and learning rather than letting others do everything for you. i am admittedly lazy, but only in that everything is worth a certain amount of effort. if the goal is not worth the effort required to achieve it i forego the goal until it is less effortful or more dire/worthy.

the enduring one....that's a title i fit all too well. i'm guessing most would think it sounds awesome and a great title to have. that i'm a bit self righteous or pretentious in giving it to myself. yet, as i am daily reminded, most do not understand things so much as know them.

Let me explain that a bit before returning to the title i have taken claim of. knowing and understanding are far from the same thing. you can read this blog in english, obviously, so you know the words. understanding the words is a whole separate level to the language. i would say that then usage of the language is yet a separate level again, but that is getting into philosophizing. I'll save the complete set of those thoughts for another day or another forum. (i'm saying this all in general, not to the 2 ppl that might, when bored of watching paint peel, read this.)

'enduring one' gives a sense of strength, solidity, perseverance. i would say, as have numerous others, that i have those qualities. there is another side to these very attributes though. there is...a cost. mmh yes....back to the 'is it worth the effort' factor of my being. one can be strong to a point naturally or thru various nurturings. yet to gain the title of enduring one something else is required. a massive amount of adversity and pain for each of these attributes, and i can plainly say i've had a shitload of that. that is not whining, it is strictly fact. It is enough to say that this is their cost.. still think its a cool title?

'enduring one' implies longevity and survival. excellent qualities to be proud of and respected in others. just how long is longevity though, and just how many forms can survival take? well therein lies the understanding of these qualities.

i have been told i'm old since my memories began. common saying by spiritual ppl? maybe. as i said old ways and old words. i've been told i was a friend 'from before' by more than one. i have confused both spiritual and reality laymen with my complete comfort with the combination of new ideas with ancient methods (and vice versa). assuming past lives exist, then longevity plays a more affecting roll. take the common character of a vampire. the very epitome of longevity. ooh ahh you hear some say. see i knew i wanted this title they say. yes...well, they don't know vampires very well do they? yay live forever, yay flying, yay change forms, yay...yay...yay. in fact, not so yay. unless of course you dig watching everyone/thing you've ever known and loved die, enjoy killing fully sentient beings in order to survive, and generally becoming a true form monster. i can see the appeal of these extra considerations. yet there is the overwhelming fact that they are damned whether figuratively or actually. they are damned, both in life and spirit. a curse with benefits (if you will) is still a curse. i wouldn't have to remember past lives to be affected by them. the very act of having them is affective, and the greater in number they are the more they weigh. having longevity makes you something else, something other than the you which eats, pees, and sleeps.

i was told i was something else once by a child as i sat waiting for the gym to clear at a graduation. "i see you for what you really are" she told me with no conversation in progress. disturbingly, with an entirely different expression than she had a moment before or after the phrase. simply a response from a child who had overheard someone talking about me? maybe. 'witchy women' my grandfather called us. 'creative and a thinker' has been stated any number of times. accused of 'solving the world's problems' while sitting in the elementary lunchroom. out and out trained by my grandmother to present oneself as is appropriate to the situation, and that a misdeed with cunning was far better (if still less than a good deed). survival is a skill, in fact it is a skill set for each situation. i have long reminded myself that there is always a way out if you are willing to pay the price. for the more pop-media inclined think of the jack sparrow quote "The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do." A rather good way of putting it really. in all situations there are options, though admittedly they are sometimes obnoxiously limited. every, and i mean e_v_e_r_y option has its cost. the costs you choose to pay, and the costs you choose to avoid make you what you are. not who, not how....what. if the enduring one's choices are those of survival, then what does that make me? Still want this title?

enduring one is a title i understand and claim. what is detailed above is the basis for how i understand. i take all connotations into consideration, and have explained why i claim it. this is just how i think, and the title came from a mere astrological definition. a western calendar one only, at that. (if your wondering i am also a chinese zodiac monkey and metal sign.) yet it caught me for a moment and i claimed it. i believe it a fitting title, and am confident i have good reason in understanding it. but maybe my thinking is too reasoning, too assuming. maybe i am pretentious and self righteous to claim it. maybe....it's just all in my head.